Fears During Pregnancy

I am past my half way mark in my pregnancy.

I don’t feel like I am doing what I should be, if I compare myself to other expecting mothers.  I don’t have a crib, a pediatrician, and I haven’t even thought about what theme to make the nursery.  Should I be concerned?  I wanted to wait until my seven month before I start making decisions.

I should really stop comparing myself to other people before the baby is born. I don’t want her to be a product of jealousy and competition. I want her to be love.  Although, has anyone ever been successful?

Our society is built on one-upping each other and stealing someone else’s ideas and making it their own. Of course with the catch word “innovation” it really isn’t stealing.

I am concerned.  It’s just one of the many things that runs though my head.  There is so much negative exposure in the world.  It’s impossible to keep her from it.  If I try, it will eat her from the inside. At this point, communication seems to be the path to take.  So many worries……

On a single day I have over a few dozen thought of fears pop –up. I wrote them down, her e is some:

  • Will pregnancy ruin my body?
  • Can I manage a career and motherhood?
  • Will I able to provide what the baby needs?
  • Will having a baby end my social life?
  • Will I be a bad mother?
  • Will her father be able to handle fatherhood?
  • How is my current friendship with childless couples or single friends going to change?
  • What if the baby has birth defects? What if I caused it?
  • What if I lost the baby?
  • What if I have very bad post-partum depression?
  • Will I ever be able to sleep?
  • What if I reject the baby?
  • What if the baby rejects me?
  • What if I pooped on the delivery table?
  • How much was the delivery really going to be painful?
  • Can I handle labor?
  • Will the labor traumatize the baby?
  • Will I have a C-section?
  • What if I die from giving birth?



I have to start by saying, I am not a writer. Sometimes my words and sentences just don’t make any sense. I am a convict of improper grammar. Secretly, I am proud of it. My excuse to my pride, how is a language going to evolve if it only plays by rules? I am a rebel without a cause.

I am not new to blogging. I have had several blogs. They are usually private and only a few of my closest friends are allowed to read it. It’s not that I am a secret agent with much undisclosed information. I am very private. I don’t like people very much. Perhaps, I’ve been hurt so many times from so many people that I fear getting to know people on a personal level. I hope by opening this blog, I can alleviate some of that anxiety.

I am currently living in New York. I was born and raised in Providence, RI. My childhood was full of tears, fears and jeers, but somehow we managed to laugh and celebrate. I’ve been living in New York for the past five years. Prior to that, I lived in NJ. That’s a whole different story that one day I will get into.

I work in Conference Services. I sell and help organize corporate events. It’s a fun job. Each event is different and each customer is unique. I love putting the customer first. I like my job. Though, sometimes when we are slow, I have instant fears of failure.

I am currently 17 weeks pregnant. This is my first child. I am really excited. I wonder if there is a baby boom. Many people seem to be pregnant. I wonder sometimes if my pregnancy is trendy. Overall, there is nothing horrible happening. I am content with my life. Ask me tomorrow and that might change.